pick one : jenny/jenga/jentle/jengi/itchy/jk

some things in life are so sad. and really, i have no idea.

i was thinking last night about not feeling safe. and what that actually is. rarely it's because i feel physically unsafe. the kind of unsafe you get walking through a dark alley at night half expecting some man to jump out and rape and murder you. but i think a lot of the things i claim to be scared of, well i am scared of, but i'm scared because i don't feel safe. safe to be me? safe to express myself? safe not be to judged? safe to not be hurt? i don't feel safe because i don't know if it will be ok. hmmm... it still doesn't make all that much sense really. i must think more.

just from spending 30 minutes reading, my whole perspective on leprosy has changed. started reading philip yancey's 'where is God when it hurts?'. it was squirmy. strories of people very grossly injuring themselves without realising it, simply coz their body couldn't warn them. i had to read some of the stories through my hand covering my eyes. thank you God for pain.

sometimes it would be nice to be more technologically minded

maccas certainly isn't fast food anymore. this new fresh, made-to-order system, in my opinion, is just not worth the wait. what's it matter if your burger's been sitting there for a few minutes or hours? there's enough preservatives in it to keep it going for days.

ah, the instant society.

so many levels of tired

i dreamt i had no sleep all night. that led to a very poor sleep in reality. very very strange. but kinda funny. that i dreamt, and i dreamt a lot last night, that's gotta mean some good sleep somewhere in there.

you just can't understand how much my grandma is the coolest. i love her so much.

she had a black eye this morning when i visited her. i asked her what the deal with it was. she'd had it for about two weeks already, but i hadn't seen her. it was from her throwing up and her glasses hitting her eye as she leaned her head on the medicine cabinet (gee old people bruise easily). she's done it before with the other eye too.

anyway, she and grandpa went to church the morning after it happened the first and second times, and when people asked her what had happened, she told them "john did it". john being my grandpa. how funny is that! she said she got some of the funniest shocked looks from people.

but their minister came out with a good one. he leaned over to grandpa at church the first time it had happened, and told him that he should have done both eyes so it was evened up. so when she had this new one a few weeks later, grandpa got in quick and told the minister that he'd taken his advice. their minister came back with 'you should hit her on the body so the bruises aren't so obivous'. i was laughing my head off as grandma told me all this. old people are gold.

(just to clarify. my grandfather does not hit my grandmother)

i just think is a fun photo. i think it was taken at wolli creek... feel free to corrected me all you people in the know

sleep can be an elusive thing.

this morning howie and i saw pooh's heffalump movie in the city for free. i'm not sure but we might have been the only people there without a kid - but that's ok. lumpy is so many cutes. so is roo. old school winnie the pooh is quite a part of my childhood. so it was kinda nice to step back in time a bit.

for lunch i had this huge plate of oven roasted vegetables. it was so yummy. i couldn't finish it though. disappointing but was that she gave me no pumpkin. roast pumpkin is so many goods.

youth supper tonight was fun. we read children's books and played with toys. and ate food.

i thought my chest was gonna explode tonight. the swans won an incredibly insane game by one point. the umpiring was atrociously inconsistent and everyone certainly let the umpires know that. there's something theraputic in being one of over 44000 people yelling at three individuals. the swans played pretty poorly, and had to work for every single point. my boy leo barry was gold. as was tadhg. rhino was tops too. but it was crazy. i love footie like that. but i hate it at the same time. the suspense kills me.

being silly in shops is funny if there is a group of you. if you're by yourself i think it's just embarrassing. howie, myself, debbie, tamara, lachy and will had adventures in tamara's pocket rocket, in the additional parking at castle hill, and in castle towers. there were oreo mcflurries (finally!), and scooters, and care bears, and safes, and name keyrings, and many fun things. random and spontaneous adventures are fun things.

and to homebush tonight. go the swans! and please don't rain on me too much.

dusting. i don't like dusting. tidying - fine. putting away - fine. vacuuming - fine. throwing out - fine. filing - fine. dusting - nup. but if i did it more often, it wouldn't be so gross when i do get around to doing it. isn't that just the way it is with many things. ah well.

it's almost the end of june. in 2005. my goodness time flies. it's strange reading over old things i've written, from up to six years ago, and remembering. and i think seeing how, in some ways, i haven't really changed all that much. some things seem to never change. or maybe they just change slowly. i don't know. i'm not even thinking specifically. it is good to see that some things do change though. it's funny being embarrassed at my past self. it's hard to let go of the past though. to see, that to move forward, you actually have to move forward. which is logical enough in itself, but it can be much harder not to dwell on things. sometimes. other times it's very easy not to. oh what a ramble. i think my point is, i have no point. sometimes it's just good to remember. to be thankful for the past, no matter how dodgy it was. because without it, i wouldn't be here. yeh. although, then maybe i'd be somewhere better.... nah, let's not open that can of worms.

gap was good fun
good people
good food (thanks shazzy)
good dessert (thanks lach, shell & lach's mum)
good convos
good laughs
good talk (thanks steve)
kick butt game of fooseball (me and chris lost to shell and libby 26-25!)
gareth writing poo songs
will's fat as finger

it was a good night. God is good.

again with the more clothes on the couch than in the wardrobe.

and then howie and i went to get oreo mcflurries for dessert after the film, but waitara maccas mcflurry machine had broken. so we thought, ok just go to thornleigh. and then their mcflurry machine was also broke. it was broken last night too when we went to get mcflurries for ourselves and debbie. it's all a conspiracy against howie and his oreo mcflurry addiction. and so we went to woolies and got cookies and cream icecream instead.

madagascar was quite the funny. i did enjoy. and $10 tickets make the experience much more the lovely.

grand opening

thornleigh marketplace officially opened today at 8am.

phil and i walked around to be two of the first to experience it. and walk around we did. the entrance on the comenarra was still deemed unsafe as construction was continuing. we battled our way through barriers, dirt and tape to use the carpark entrance instead.

there are fun travelators. that's a highlight. many unopened shops. that's just funny.

there was a string trio playing out the front of woolies. maybe they couldn't afford a quartet.

there were already a number of people in the supermarket. and about 4 million woolworths employees. i received a red carnation as we walked in and a free map of the store. phil got a free map. we ran into jason who was carrying some croissants. he looked quite the baker. i bought some stuff for work, and received a free green woolies bag. ooh la la.

then phil and i walked to maccas for some coffee coz there was no coffee shop. we used the bellevue exit. they've done some landscaping in bellevue - woodchips and plants. i personally think it would have been more wise to widen the road. but you live and learn. i hope there aren't any major traffic accidents along that street.

so there you have it. a woolies right around the corner. awesome. (if only it was a coles)

i am looking forward to the weekend

i am really quite cold. i love my winter coat. i'm wearing it now, over a woollen jumper and skivvy. i do have jeans, toe socks and shoes on as well. i am also feeling like i might be ill. i'm not sure if i'm just really cold or what. it's not the pleasantest though.

joel gave me a present today. it's 'melon medley blistex fruit smoothies' lip balm. it smells just like honey dew. he got it for free with a fruit smoothie he bought. i was the receipient because i was the first girl he saw. but i'm ok with that.

sometimes it's just day after day after day. actually, it's always day after day after day if we want to be literal.

caramel mud cake is good stuff. happy birthday for yesterday bas.

ok, so david was visitor 10 000. but howie has run his own little competition and claimed the 100% hits CD as his own. and i also heard whispers of a little IP address tampering so as to win the prize. so i am not at all sure what to do. hmmm...

but hoorah for 10 000.

we played with playdough this afternoon
i made a dinosaur
it even has teeth and a tongue
playdough is so quality

it's very exciting that 'my stupid mouth' will be played in church next sunday. luke came to tell me specially last night after the service. yay john mayer. so many funs - it'll be luke, matt, tim and lachie, plus some chick. i'm not quite sure how the song will be relevant but that's ok. '.... one more thing'

i was so gonna be a good girl then and go to bed, but i've progressively become addicted to NCIS over the last few weeks. bed will have to wait an hour.

i don't think i'll be having another lean beef burger from mcdonalds any time soon.

should you be the 10000th visitor to my blog, you will receive your choice of CD. your quality options are:

the cranberries - no need to argue (with free dust!)
mxpx - the ever passing moment
nathan tasker - come follow him
100% hits best of '99

and no matter which CD you choose, you'll also get a steve bevis CD thrown in just for the sake of it.

my other dodgy old school CDs i want to keep. sorry.

but someone's gonna be a very happy boy or girl.

lucky 10000

the 10000th visitor to my blog will win a CD from my room that i don't listen to anymore! i will post a list of CDs to choose from later on. how exciting! there's probably still 3 or 4 days til we get closer to the 10000. but get ready...

the lucky 10000th - will it be you?!

tis cold

as i drove to work this morning the little 'temperature outside dooby' (it's official technical name) started at 4.0 degrees. by the time i got to barker it said 2.5 degrees and a little snowflake was lit up. i've never seen my car say it was that cold before. a little snowflake - how fun.

meanwhile i'm wearing shorts. i'm cold!

aloe vera tissue is good invention

'me fail english? that's unpossible'

i like cleaning. i like when things are neat and tidy and organised. it's so much nicer.

phoaw

in recognition of all the usually unrecognised work my dad does at his school, they are shouting him to a weekend away with mum to the value of $1200. not too shabby hey.

mum and i just watched a DVD of my primary school - 'Glimpses of NWPS 1961 til 2005'. oh the memories. it was really interesting seeing how the grounds have changed, and the uniform too. funny seeing photos of peoples in my year or era. i really enjoyed primary school. all three of them. but especially NWPS. good times.

i wonder why it is that it's illegal to talk on a hand held mobile phone or send sms while driving, but it's perfectly legal (as far as i know and maybe i'm horribly wrong) to eat a hamburger or drink a soft drink while you drive. granted it might not take as much concentration or be as distracting. but eating a mcflurry juggling spoon and cup thingy is no easy task. so i hear.

well that was in the top three of worst ever night's sleep. or the bottom three of best ever night's sleep. either way today is going to be fun. ah well.

i would just like to point out that i love robert howie.

sometimes living with parentals can be frustrating. i'm 23. i'm really not a kid anymore

i would like to be a more positive person

i just wanted to say that i think tamara's story about her dog julia needing to go to rehab is funny. whoops, coz we supplied lachy with the hemp bracelets. sorry julia!

today was fun. i stayed in bed for a while. not sleeping but just being warm. then in the middle of the day i picked up howie and brought him to my house, coz we were having a birthday lunch for debbie. lunch was yummy - yay for my mum's tops cooking. and it was fun coz my grandma is tops. our family is quite funny. then afterwards, howie and debbie and i hung out. uncle milton also dropped in, which was a pleasant surprise. and then me and howie drove to bondi and had oreo mcflurries and lay on the grass.

i like my family.

i feel like a broken record... i am about 27 tireds... how boring.

i figured out why this cold has come back... because there is a trip on this saturday. yep, the 80% record still stands

the lingering cold i've had for weeks seems to be developing itself into a bit more of a commendable cold. we all love the return of snot, of headaches, of excessive tiredness, of blocked ears. cold, i'm so glad you're back.

but meanwhile, the swans won... oh yeh!

swans game today. looks a nice day for it. i hope its a good game. i do enjoy a good game of AFL.

national championships for scissors, paper, rock. how funny.

perhaps it will rain some. God you know we need it.

yay for surprise emails from chuckie

yay for gap last night. so fun. playing fresh is very funny. will and pete playing foosball is very funny. ben's 'pure furnace' is very funny. learning about the excuses we make to get out of serving God. well, in some ways actually that was funny. in other ways it taught us lots i think. good old moses. thanks phil.

yay for pancake girls - rhi, ash and maddy

yay for long weekend

meanwhile the last two nights i've woken up from dreams convinced that i've retold firstly, the whole story of phantom of the opera, and last night lord of the rings. although the dreams really have little to do with the actual stories when i think about it in awakeness, but in the middle of the dreams, it totally seems to be those stories. weird. since when was their a dragon in lord of the rings?

new pyjamas. yay.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBBIE GOWER!!!!

passionfruit is such good fruit

bought new coldplay "x&y". haven't listened yet. expecting it to be much of the same. but i like the same. so that's good. it's like how jack johnson is always the same. but i like that too. so that's also good.

for some reason, making telephone calls is yukky. i've never really enjoyed calling people. i don't mind answering the phone. i could do that all day. well, maybe not all day. but it's ok. so i don't know why making the call is so nerve-racking. and in this case, i don't think it's just me.

thanks to lachie

i should go to bed before 10pm more often

spaced out

i'm not sure if it's bad that i'm spending more time with my eyes blurred. coz i'm tired, and so maybe i'm too lazy to keep them focussed? i found myself doing it when i was doing "menial" tasks at work today. like coz my brain didn't have to concentrate on doing anything, maybe my eyes were doing the same thing? it's bad when i catch myself doing it when i'm driving. it's not like i'm not looking. i'm just not looking hard.

its seems that much of the world is sick and/or tired.

i was thinking today. not in itself unusual. but i was thinking about how sometimes i'll be really scared or anxious about something and then whatever it is will happen and i'll be ok and think something like 'yeh that was alright after all'. and i'll have gained some confidence or feel some new level of braveness. then i'll hear some little comment or story to come out of it that undermines that whole experience and new found confidence and reduces it all back to that initial fear or stress or whatever. it doesn't happen frequently, but it happens, and it tends to happen in the bigger things. i was just thinking.

a widdle woozy

i took 4 tablets last night, just for the heck of it. nah, i haven't been taking them much coz they don't seem to do much different. last night i thought why not. but anyway, that means that this morning i'm feeling a little strange and dopey. ah well.

watsons bay and south head and the gap, all quite nice. howie and i walked around the place, took in the views, had some lunch and a bit of a nap. not a bad way to spend last day of holidays.

then libby and me caught up this arvo. there was a surprise visit from will and jason also. then church. it's always a good moment when i laugh really loudly in a sermon and people turn around to look at me. dear oh dear.

so back into it tomorrow.

no fun tunnel walk next sunday after all. howie will be disappointed.

todays adventure... south head.

today had a number of elements.

(i) youth leadership training

i quite enjoyed the material we went through today. it was pretty challenging working through what it is to be a shepherd... God chooses us, we serve, God promotes. and the two requirements of a shepherd... intergrity of heart and skilful hands. it was really interesting stuff to think about and discuss. it was good to be reminded of relationship type stuff and tasks we have being a sherherd. i think it raised the bar a bit. and gave me much more appreciation for what it is that we do. and for the awesome young people we hang out with. good stuff. thanks phil. and it's always fun to hang out with fun youth leaders. lachie gets special mention today.

(ii) lunch time

howie and i had lunch at wahroonga with chicken burgers from chargrill charlies. good stuff. no, no amazing adventure, but a pleasant time out in the sunshine with a good chap.

(iii) United In Hope

this was a benefit dinner for jonathon, a kiddie with autism that sam cares for. it was good fun. sam and jo kemp are good value. howie too. so much food. and i have never drunk so much orange juice in my life. jonathon is so sweet and his family seem so lovely. it was quite a different experience.

(iv) McFlurry

oreo mcflurrys are always worthy of their own catagory. howie and i had one each after the dinner.

i guess i kinda wanted to expand on point (i) but i won't. i'll just say it was good stuff. thanks God.

John 10:27 "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

sometimes i think it would be nice to be able to dress up all lardy da. but i'm not very good at it. it's a bit sucky. but you get that.

i think someone fixed our computer mouse - oh how exciting! i almost don't know how to use it if it's not broken!

i'm wondering that if after two weeks of holidays whether i actually feel all that refreshed or re-energised. because i'm probably just as tired and worn out as i was before holidays. it's not heaps exciting or motivating to feel like this. hmmmm...

daytripper

Yesterday was quite the full and quite the fun. howie and I bought daytripper tickets from hornsby and trained it into Wynyard via central. After walking to circular quay we jumped on a ferry to manly to have some lunch. Mmm grilled fish.

after eating we walked around to cabbage tree bay reserve. Howie said hello to new Zealand. I always love the combination of sun, ocean, rocks, waves, greenery…

lay on the grass for a while and had a nap in the sunshine before heading back to manly for some Copenhagen icecream and jumping on a ferry back to circular quay.

walked to george st cinemas, coz why catch a train when you can walk, to see “the longest yard” – i must admit it was quite the funny. I liked it. Chris rock makes me laugh and adam sandler doesn’t do a bad job either. i have no idea what the idea of american football is. i don't think i'll ever get it.

trained it back to wynyard and walked to “Pancakes on the Rocks”. I never been there before, and I shall surely be returning! Except I couldn’t eat all my pancakes... I got 1.5 down. How disappointing!

walked back around to circular quay and caught the fun glass lifts up to the cahill expressway to take photos as we waiting for our ferry. We experimented with the camera settings which was fun. we do live in a pretty city

then we took a ride on a ferry to mosman bay and back just coz we could

before catching a train back to hornsby to complete our $15 day of transport. and that, my friends, is that.

thanks to steve...

this weather is so tricksy... if i'm planning to be out all day and night without coming home to change, what do i wear so i don't get too hot in the day, or too cold in the night, if i don't have a bag to carry a jumper in. oh the dilemmas.

meanwhile, how good is catching up with people. yesterday i had to joy of two hours with liberachi. and what joy it was. this morning the pleasure of an hour with phil. and tomorrow morning the excitement of time with sam. things can't get much better. unless you were able to throw tim, zoe and jem into the mix also. but sadly, schedules and illnesses conspire against us. and maybe a bit of lachie. plus then there's the awesome combos of tamara and libby. or cathy, sam, debbie and lachie. i could go on and on. but i shall not.

[ohh but i just got a message from sam rainchecking our play tomorrow coz he has to go chiropractor. that is sad-making]

todays adventure... daytripper ticket - city, manly, movie, pancakes

i have nervous feeling. i don't know quite why. a lot of things are a little daunting. and i'm learning things that are a bit scary. i don't feel up for it. or something. hmmmm....

todays midday adventure was north rocks westfield. it's so little. so cute. howie said i have to include this photo.

we had lunch at 'fresh bite'. i had spagetti napolitana and a side salad and a pepsi max.

now i am much too full. so much bloatation. is that a word? anyway, he had spagetti bologanese and a coke.

westfield north rocks. done and done.

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. We must find each other

If you judge people you have no time to love them

Love cannot remain by itself -- it has no meaning. Love has to be put into action, and that action is service

all quotes from mother teresa. the good thing about preparing a talk, the things you yourself learn. i am being confronted by my own self-centredness. it's not comfortable. and i want to push it away. because growing is hard. the road less travelled...

Amen brother!

But I will be serving my God and helping these kids see Christ... and there's nothing in this world better :) - I just gotta keep remembering that... - prawn.