October 31, 2004
no way am i paying $28700 to get married!
October 30, 2004
sometimes i just want to rip out one of my eyes. it's so stupid - tiredness, dryness, soreness, redness, whateverness, it hurts! and it's yucky. stupid thing. i do very need to be sleeping better. the sleep i just had was better. solid til 5-something AM. 5 is better than 4.
and so long.
October 29, 2004
tomorrow morn, me and debs head off with cath for our weekend away! yay! pretty beach here we come. i'm sure it will be tops. but all i really want to do right now is sleep. too bad. libby and GAP. i love libby and i love GAP. so it's ok. but i do love sleep.
guess who beat howie in an arm wrestle today for the second time !! heh heh heh.
maybe this will make me more accountable... i'm trying to obey road rules at the moment. particularly speed limits. even if i think they're stupid. so if you see me speeding, you are allowed to hit me on the head. maybe not too hard, but hard enough for me to notice.
October 28, 2004
classic!
this photo is so very funny. we all look so very strange - except for cath and kirri. but the rest of us, oh dear. we look very under the influence of something. maybe it's just a testament to tim dabinett's photography skill. awesome. but it was a good night. yay for kirri.
not really appreciating the awakeness during the 4 o'clock in the morning hours. i'd like that to stop thankyou.
meanwhile i think it's crazy my dad gets up at 4:30am every morning. my goodness. crazy.
October 27, 2004
oooh i don't like the quick launch toolbar. i always click the wrong thing. like stupid non-working outlook, or stupid filemaker pro. i just want explorer!!!
no electricity = no work
much nicer especially coz electricity is on at home
very windy day isn't it
i love my cat. he's so crazy. mum was getting sheets out of the linen closet, and he decided to have a peek the curious thing he is. mum's one of those "presents-in-the-closet/wardrobe-for-when-needed" type people (you know them), and so xander found a big bowl thing, with newspaper in it. i think he decided it looked comfy, so in he hopped. and because he was on the bottom shelf, we couldn't get him out. the idea of "bickies" lured him out, but still, he's a very strange animal.
October 26, 2004
October 25, 2004
Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have, and ever hope to be
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender these into Your hands
For it's only in Your will that I am free
Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have, and ever hope to be
October 24, 2004
time for a photo...
chris, james, lach and phil at lyndal's 21st this year (plus gareth and luke.. hehe). i miss james. he'll be home one day.
back in the day...
kirri's was fun last night. it was great to hang out with the old circle of friends. i miss the good old days of 1999/2000. we were so little, so carefree, so innocent, so together. but it was fun to be sam, tim, tim, luke, matt, deb, jen, cath, kirri, lib, steve again. a couple notable absences but still. these guys have been my friends for over six years. it's crazy that we're growing up. who would have thought.
October 23, 2004
i'd forgotten how fun it is dying your hair!
and how fun - it's kirri's 21st tonight!! that is super fun.
and how funny - at one stage today, all josh, me and howie were at the office. it's got to be a disease of some sort.
i was just thinking about it... young people are so special. the young people in my life are so awesome. and therefore i will assume that all young people are awesome. not just because most young people i know are Christians, coz they aren't all. but each person is unique and gifted and has so much potential. last night's GAP was testament to that. each afternoon at work is testament to that. each trip, each chat in the street, each wave and smile. young people are amazing! how cool is it to be working for God with young people. sure it's scary and hard and yukky sometimes. but, you know, i wouldn't swap it for anything. well, maybe i would, but still, it's pretty darn good.
October 22, 2004
i forgot feet have similar bones to hands. looking at josh's x-rays today was funny. his feet looked like hands with really long fingers.
the body really is an amazing thing. good one God.
October 21, 2004
oops
this time my car tyre was down to 8. hasn't beat phil's record of 7 yet. but i take consolation in the fact it was a personal best for me.
tasos
how exciting! today i got two things in the mail. a card from lachie (yay lach - thankyou, you're so funny :p). and a letter from tasos all the way in greece. that was exciting. how fun is international mail. he's a very busy boy - doing heaps of things for God and others. it's very inspiring. i love people who love Jesus.
my mum's awesome
"hey mum, are you home all day?"
"yes, except for shopping"
"well, when someone comes over today, can you not be here"
"ok. why are they coming over"
"aaah, coz it's my birthday"
"oh.... OHHHHHH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
oh dear, how funny is my mum. but it's ok. in her defense, she did have a present and card ready to go from in the wardrobe. hehe.
zoe and cathy are such good value. had very helpful talks with zoe last night, and then when i got home cath rang too. i'd also spoke to mum a bit today. i think it's helpful for me to just blab on and see what comes out, you know??
sometimes, recently, now, always, in the past, i feel very alone, like there aren't really people/friends there for me, but then i realise, yes there are and they are such a blessing. i love zoe so much. and cath. and debs. and luke and matt. and everyone. i can't wait to see libby at kirri's 21st.
and also happy birthday to skye, ella and me :)
October 20, 2004
it's like there are these two me's. and i'm gutted trying to be just the one me. i can't believe how divided i am. and i don't know what's right. or what's wrong. all of me feels wrong at the moment. i want to crawl into a hole and never come out. but then the other part of me wants to live life coz life is good when it's right.
lots of words are useful... blerk. hmmmm. dunno. man. sucks. crazy. weird. dear oh dear (that's three words. well really only two, with a repeat)
October 19, 2004
i agree with howie about lunch. it's good to know that there are other people out there doing helpful stuff with young people for the glory of God. it's encouraging. so lunch was good. ty is a champ.
it's still funny how awkward i feel at stuff like that though. in day 2 of purpose driven life it asked what areas of personality, background and physical appearance i struggle to accept. i like to substitute "struggle" with "don't like". i don't like how shy and selfconscious i can be. it bites. coz i'm sure i miss out on good and godly stuff sometimes. lots of struggles though. hmmm... oh well. God made me me. for some reason or another. i'll trust Him with that.
October 18, 2004
October 17, 2004
So it begins...
to all the fine young HSCers out there... you go boys and girls!!! all the best. power on. but rest too. and keep focussed on Jesus, coz He's got the plan for you already. regardless of what happens over the next few weeks. love you all!!
40 day of purpose thingy starts for our church today. i haven't actually signed up for it. which is a bit dodgy. our bible study group can't do it coz they're all HSCers and there's not bible study for the next number of weeks :( but there are about a billion copies of the purpose driven life in my house, so i should commit to reading it. we'll see if it happens. i'd like to own purpose more.
i enjoyed worshipping God tonight. connecting in spite of everything. it was good. God is good. yay God.
so shoddy
who's not a fan of three hours sleep, and another four hours of patchness. dammit. stupid head, stupid dreams, stupid xander. i hope others faired better than me. on the positive side, i'm feeling pretty good. there's a lot of crap going on but in the midst of it, i'm going alrighty.
oh well. maybe today i'll read another matthew reilly book. i'd be up to area 7 me thinks. love matthew reilly. ooh, want to buy diesel's singled out too. there's an idea for ya tim.
October 16, 2004
another trip done.
i'm pretty tired. and a bit mre. but yay for the kiddies who came. and for their response to the day. lots of potential and next steps type stuff.
i found myself a bit, not aimless, but something today. it was strange. i think i felt quite alone. but still knowing God was with me. it was just a little strange. anyways, sleep well people. i plan to! eventually.
October 15, 2004
my hair's slowly getting longer - yay. why oh why is it that when it's short i complain it's not long. and when it's long i complain it's not short.
todays been a funny day. productive but yet very much seemingly un-so too. fun bits like me retaining my pool championness. shopping adventures. howie and i both bought jack johnson cd. josh parenting us. josh being my first aid officer and getting the splinter out of my foot with tweezers and a pin. singing. dancing. sorting out trip stuff. getting beaten up by stuffed toys. scone for lunch. key wars. burning stuff (that wasn't me though).
all together i'm feeling surprisingly calm about tomorrow. i think i'm more stressed about the fact that i'm not stressed. hopefully that means i'll get a good night's sleep. i'll probably get up about 5:30am. lovely. and hopefully tomorrow is much the enjoyable and purposeful. and go QLD trip and sydney south trip too!!!! it's all happening.
GAP tonight. not for heaps long. but i hope tis good. i like GAP kiddies. they're tops fun.
oooh, to sleep. that i can't wait for.
checked out brad's new lane cove apartment last night. not too shabby. can see centrepoint from the balcony which is pretty cool. was totally disorientated with directions - i'm not used to that. normally i'm pretty good with that. anyways, it's a nice little two-bedroom place. some very funny moments though throughout the evening. mcinnes family is funny.
October 14, 2004
October 13, 2004
i love meeting up with my girls. spent good time chatting with snowy tonight. and then with junior. good chunky stuff. they're so special. i love them both so very much. yay. zoe and i, for all the differences in our lives, have some very major similar experiences. that's good. coz she's a little further along the path in a few things, and she gives very sound advice, and helps me understand myself more. it's good quality stuff. thanks God for putting us together!
i miss libby lots though. times like these i remember how much i really value her, and love her, and miss her. i wish she was around more. i think i will send her a sms. she's so beautiful.
sometimes i wish God would give me a sneak peek into the future, so i can go "oh yeh, ok, that's the decision i have to make to get there. thanks!". unfortunately i don't think it works like that. bummer.
and yay for brett. he fixed all our water problems. so i could have a shower after yesterdays adventures. except i still have yellow hairspray i can't get out despite washing my hair twice.
October 12, 2004
i must say i had a lot of fun today. this afternoon was crazy good. we had messy games as the activity. and boy did it get messy. all outside of course. there was shaving cream all over everyone. i can't believe how much it can get stuck in your ears. and then hairspray - but that was just two of us. and then flour - that was mostly howie and ty. plus donuts on a string eating competitions - i won one! yay! i also won nine ball. yay!
it was a tops day. i'm glad i was a part of it. i'm glad we have photos. i'm glad for these awesome young people. i'm glad they're a part of my life. i'm privileged to be a part of theirs. thanks God.
random
i got a phone call this morning. i wasn't home though. it was tasos! calling from greece! how random is that! bummer i wasn't around to speak to him. but hopefully he'll call back another day. good work with times and stuff. normally i would have been around. but how very strange. how fun are international phone calls.
and on another note, good on brett. he can fix it. we love brett. i think it's cool that you can just leave the plumber in your house by himself and trust it will all be good. yay for friends who do stuff.
October 11, 2004
no water
so i just had to walk to maccas to pee. i felt a bit silly. i'll go to auntie sue's tomorrow morning to shower. i was toying with going without, but it's meant to be pretty stinky hot tomorrow. brett's coming at 7am with at least a bandaid solution to our problem.
it makes me think about people who don't have access to water, let alone safe water. we're so fortunate. and take it all for granted.
confused
i'm quite confused at the moment. the differences between reality and my feeling world. i don't quite understand what's going on in me. the way i'm responding to certain things. particular feelings that are surfacing and i'm not sure how to deal with them. i think much of it is to do with selfishness. this 'feeling', i don't know if it's "real" and if it is, what the implications of it are. sometimes i don't like feelings much. they feel real, but they're not reality.
i'm also not sure about how connected, to anything, i'm feeling. that was a strange way to write that sentence. take 2. also, i'm not sure how connected i'm feeling to anything. either way. most of my relationships at the moment feel very superficial. and the ones that are meant to matter most feel quite distant. i'm not feeling enthused about anything much. i'm too tired, or is it more like weary. it's more of a "can't be bothered" - not out of laziness necessarily, but maybe more exhaustion. many things are just blah and don't excite me. some things do. some people do. and that's good. but i would like to feel alive again.
gee there's a lot of blogging in me today. and the last few days.
do you know what i'm excited about?! the fact that in three weekends time i will be going away with debs and liberty. that makes me happy. it makes me happy coz i look forward to a holiday. no matter how brief it may be.
my mum warned me it would be a weird salad today... cucumber, tomato, cheese, pineapple, and strawberries. i think i'll just eat it in sections. not mixed. meanwhile, pineapple juice went everywhere!
October 10, 2004
maybe i should go to bed. maybe thats just what i need. a good nights sleep. and finish my book. maybe i'll just read ice station til it's finished. then i'll probably have dreams about killer whales, and mega elephant seal things chasing me around antarctica. in the middle of a tornado. yep. that's my prediction.
i don't think i'm educated enough to make political comments. i'd like to care more, and i should, but i don't have the energy to. still, reading this smh article made me shudder a bit.
"Earlier today I had the opportunity to call and congratulate my friend, the Prime Minister of Australia, who won his election," President Bush said during a campaign rally.
"Australia is a great ally in the war on terror, and John Howard is the right man to lead that country," Bush said.
"The president will always work with our friends and allies," he said. "We build strong coalitions."
"what i am is God's gift to me,
what i become is my gift to God"
i'm not sure what i think about that quote. it doesn't sit totally right with me. but i don't know what it is that makes me go "hmmmm". maybe at the moment i don't like what God's gift is. and i don't like my gift to God.
and also it reminds me of that tshirt that some boys have with "GOD'S GIFT" plastered across the front of it. it's funny what writing some boys (and girls) will wear.
October 09, 2004
sometimes i need reminding of pretty basic stuff. like God's truths. that i can do all things through Him who gives me strength. that He is faithful and will do it. that if i go to Him with my weariness and burdens i will find rest. that He'll never leave me or forsake me. that He actually cares. that He wants me to be content, in spite of circumstances. that He is the God of grace, forgiveness, mercy and compassion. that He died for me. He died. For me. i think sometimes i don't believe that. a part of me doesn't want to believe that. because so often i don't think i'm worth that. and i know i don't live a life worthy of that. but Jesus, you died for me. and i say thankyou. by believing. and by being obedient. something i haven't been for a while. thankyou that when i draw near to you, you draw near to me.
chores
parentals come home tonight. i haven't seen them for three weeks. not that i see them much anyway. i'm glad my mumma's coming home. it's not that i can't do things around the house, but i like it much better when she does it. that sounds horrible. but it's not meant to be. mum is very good at what she does and i'm not as good, so it's nice that she likes doing it all (most of the time). i should learn to appreciate her more. and yay that dad does the washing up. i don't like that. i have to do it today sometime. that will make three times in three weeks that deb and i have washed up dishes. dear oh dear.
and happy birthday tazz! 21!!
October 08, 2004
howie, sometimes i don't think you know your own strength. my head kinda hurts. i think you got a little too carried away in this afternoon's fighting and punches to the head. waaaaaaaambulance.
October 07, 2004
riiiiiiiight
so i'm home and wanting to go to sleep, but my sister has two friends over and they're learning a dance for some reason. they're also very loud and laughey and clapping and stuff. and my house isn't big enough to escape it. i'm not sure what to do. i dont mean to be rude. but go away! i want to sleep!
tonight's dinner brought to you by thai pantry and the GAP316 leadership team...
i've only made dinner one since parentals have been in perth. and that's only coz i offered to cook something for tim. i've washed clothes twice. and done the washing up once. awesome. as if i couldn't survive living on my own.
dear oh dear. today has been pretty sucky. i'm angry at myself that i let stress and frustration get the better of me. so i wasn't much fun to be around. sorry howie, steve and josh. but kudos to howie for his attempts, many of them successful, at cheering me up. things just get very overwhelming and irritating. and i'd rather be grumpy and "woe is me" than get over it and get on with it. silly jenny. sometimes i need a good punch in the head.
October 06, 2004
it's ok - kirri was there too tonight. so that was more fun! we ate enchiladas and red fanta and sticky date pudding and icecream and lindt. yay. so much simpsons too. as well as 500. and digital camera fun. and playing with bob the bird.
our group of friends is so funny. in the last five years there's been so many relationships. most of everyone's gone out with at least two other people. funny funny. i'm glad most of us are still friends after it all. some break ups were quite the disastrous. but hoorah for all of us sticking through it til we found someone we actually liked.
tim dabinett & sam are cooking dinner for debs & me tonight. it will be fun. i like tim & sam. i only just realised that it might be a bit strange coz is it normal for sisters to have dinner together with their ex-boyfriends who are bestfriends with each other??? it's all good.
October 04, 2004
not a fan of the lack of sleep. over the last four nights i haven't got my nice average 8 hours sleep. more like 5 or 6. not fun. xander, you suck. i mean, me going to bed anywhere between 12:30am and 2am each night probably isn't all that helpful either!
coming home from luke's last night, funny thing. we were driving behind a cop car on boundary road, and came around a corner to find another cop car with lights going. i thought something car incident-y must have happened, like a crash or someone caught speeding or something. but no no. there were the two cops out of their car, one with that light stick thing, stopping traffic for an echidna crossing the road. what nice police men.
October 03, 2004
October 02, 2004
taryn's 21st today. dress: ken and barbie at the polo. what the hell. polo shirt it is!
and happy birthday auntie ros. yay!
October 01, 2004
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBE!!
She's one today. Yay!!! We love Phoebe!
And happy birthday joel! (and victoria! and natalie!)