everyone left my house just as i came home just before. they all drove away. it was sad coz debbie didn't recognise me waving madly at her as i passed her. mumma did. i made sure i waved extra hard for her. so that's good.
hang on, now they're both home. this is weird... what's going on... aah detective work done. debbie's car is in for service so she drove there, and mum drove their too to give debbie a lift home. that's nice. you all needed to know that.
today is maundy thursday. tomorrow is good friday. is saturday called easter saturday? then easter sunday. and holiday monday (easter monday?). so many adjectives. i don't quite feel that i'm connected with easter just yet. i am feeling very self-indulgent. which means i don't feel very connected to God. i said to Him this morning that i need to be. especially at easter. but thinking about that, i shouldn't say especially. coz i should always be connected, and i shouldn't need a 'special' event to spur me on. and i'm sure there's a difference between feeling and being. but not feeling is so hard. feel. feel. feel. i hate that feelings dictate me so much sometimes. it's sucky. argh.
i want a nice happy place. calm blue ocean clam blue ocean calm blue ocean.
i was talking to a market research lady on the phone last night. i think her name was lyn. she was calling from brisbane. she asked me lots of questions about petrol. she also asked me what i do, as part of the questions. i said i'm a youthworker. she said "oh, wow you must be patient. do you find it rewarding? or frustrating?". i told her a little of both. when i'm in the frustrated part (like now), it's easy to miss the rewarding part. the God bits. probably because i don't want to find them. woe is me and waa waa waa take over. not that the rewarding is what it's about. coz it's not meant to be about me. but those are the bits that often keep you going when chucking it in would be so much nicer.
i need to listen to more helpful music. i've been avoiding worship music. just coz i've been enjoying everclear mostly. but i've found recently though that i don't know if i agree with just listening to worship music, for me i mean. it just washes over me. because i'm doing other stuff, or just absentmindedly singing along not thinking at all about what i'm singing. it loses it's meaning? i guess it's not bad. i could be singing along with songs that talk about violence, or drugs, or sex, or discriminate or whatever. which i guess is true with everclear. but i was just thinking.
this wasn't meant to be a fatty post. i'm impressed if you've made it to here. good job. such a ramble. thanks for listening to my rant.
Your most welcome
Posted by: Lachy at March 24, 2005 03:51 PMBig posts are fun!
Posted by: Tamara at March 24, 2005 06:51 PMmmm - sometimes i realise that i'm kind of singing away to myself in my head, without realising - and I think that's my spirit singing - i just need to go quiet and listen.
'course - sometimes it's the wiggles :)
Posted by: steve at March 25, 2005 09:27 AMIt's alot more fun listening to music that isn't worship stuff. It's not good but the truth, for me anyway.
Posted by: bowen at March 25, 2005 10:41 PM