i'm quite confused at the moment. the differences between reality and my feeling world. i don't quite understand what's going on in me. the way i'm responding to certain things. particular feelings that are surfacing and i'm not sure how to deal with them. i think much of it is to do with selfishness. this 'feeling', i don't know if it's "real" and if it is, what the implications of it are. sometimes i don't like feelings much. they feel real, but they're not reality.
i'm also not sure about how connected, to anything, i'm feeling. that was a strange way to write that sentence. take 2. also, i'm not sure how connected i'm feeling to anything. either way. most of my relationships at the moment feel very superficial. and the ones that are meant to matter most feel quite distant. i'm not feeling enthused about anything much. i'm too tired, or is it more like weary. it's more of a "can't be bothered" - not out of laziness necessarily, but maybe more exhaustion. many things are just blah and don't excite me. some things do. some people do. and that's good. but i would like to feel alive again.
gee there's a lot of blogging in me today. and the last few days.
Category: Ummmm.....