Figure it’s all good if I write my blog post at home, and then take it to work to actually post it…. That sentence is just to ease my guilty feeling for the being at work bit.
So, at the youth service two Sundays ago, and then during Na’s workshop at camp, and with Andrew’s sermon, God’s been pointing at things in me that He wants me to be thinking about. A lot of what James said the other week (talking on the rich young ruler) made me go “it’s all good”. Talking about denying yourself, taking up your cross and following Him (or going and selling all you have, giving it to the poor, and going and following Him). And what that might mean I’m called to give up. And I sat there as James read out his little possibility list, probably sitting there with a streak of pride growing in me. Give up a career – didn’t have any particular aspirations to start with, and now working as a volunteer; give up boyfriend/girlfriend – in my case boy (just to clarify) and although that would be heartbreaking, if God called me and Tim to be apart, we’d do it (and I told tim that, so it’s ok, it won’t be news to him if he reads this!!); giving up certain behaviours/habits/pleasures etc; giving up time; etc etc. Then it got a bit harder as I actually looked at what I’d struggle giving up. And I figure it’s the whole getting married and having a family thing. I think I’d cope without the suburban image, but just the family aspect would be hard to not have I think. At least in my mind at the moment (and for my whole life up to this point). I haven’t ever wanted a career. I’ve always wanted a family. But I have to be thinking if that’s what God wants for my life. I don’t think he’s telling me I won’t, but I think I have to be prepared to give up anything, if it means glorifying God and living his purpose. Then coz Na’s workshop – the girls-only one – talked about singleness. I didn’t feel it speaking directly to me, but still I was aware of not holding on to the family idea as being my life. I just have to wait and see what happens, and where God takes me. But this little voice within me still says “please God don’t let me not have a family!!”. It’s all good.
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