i have this friend who makes me really sad. she struggles so much with life. it's not surprising to get inaudible phonecalls from her, or surprise knocks at the door, with her in tears, gasping for a breath because she's so distraught - simply (or complexly) overwhelmed with life. not that there's anything visibly wrong or challenging about her life. she has a stable, well-paying job, she has a friendly family, she has all the material things she'd need, she has a good support network of friends and church family, but everything gets on top of her so often. she's so unpredictable. and it's sad she has so many issues. and can't seem to get better. i don't understand it myself, but i want to be able to help her. being an ear and a shoulder is helpful, but it doesn't often feel like it. i'm not good at dealing with other people's pain or discomfort. i know that if i'm not having a good day, or if something traumatic happens to me, i don't want to see people or hear their words. i don't mean that to be rude, but i really don't. that's where me and my sister differ immensely. and so people will run to her when they're in trouble and that works fine for me, but sometimes i feel a bit of a meany, or insensitive, that people might think i don't care. i do care. i just don't know how you want me to help, or how to help in any case. good thing my sis is there though.
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